January 31, 2009
It has been far too long since we deconstructed a silly silly pop music video. Truth been told, there’s been a dearth of videos worthy of prolonged dissection. All this has changed though. Step forward, Shontelle.
0.06: Shontelle is mysterious. She only has feet and lips. This is probably all you need to be a pop star, truth be told.
0.09: Shontelle is flexible. This is also important in popstardom. Note all the clocks. You’ll get nowhere in life if you’re not punctual.
0.19: I’m baffled. Has she forgotten her keys?
0.25: Her friends are waiting for her. Despite all the clocks, Shontelle is running late. Bad form.
0.28: It’s not her fault. It’s her pesky front door.
0.47: Shontelle lives in a barn. A barn with the biggest lift known to man.
0.52: A barn with no furniture. Only clocks. And one armchair.
0.56: I take that back. There’s also a bed.
1.00: Wait! She’s not a popstar! She’s….an ARCHITECHT! This is one of the best fake jobs in a video since Britney as an airhostess in ‘Toxic’.
1.13: As an architecht, she can afford fancy fish for her barn- which, she probably designed herself.
1.16: Shontelle is a conscientious fish owner.
1.32: Her friends are getting a bit fed up by this stage.
1.40: Being a business woman. At her desk.
1.48: Opening the post. But it’s actually quite late in the day to be doing this. Her friends are waiting. It’s probably the weekend. Why doesn’t she look at the MANY MANY CLOCKS SURROUNDING HER?
2.13: Bitch doesn’t care about her iphone. She’s got work to be doing.
2.39: Now is not the time to be looking at shirts, Shontelle. Either do some actual work or go and meet your friends.
2.50: Far be it from me to question how architechts get dressed, but who puts on a tshirt first, THEN takes off their dress?
3.00: The tshirt probably needs a wash. She’s been smelling it a lot.
3.15: At last, inspired by the manky tshirt, Shontelle unleashes her set square and gets her architecht on.
3.22: Until someone who looks more like an actual architecht enters the barn.
3.27: ‘Dude. Why are you at my archi-desk?’
3.33: ‘Cuz I iz popstar yo’
January 30, 2009
If you’re coming here looking for TAC photos you can go right away. Go on now go, walk out the door, just turn around now, etcetera. Then walk straight to my house and upload the photos for me. Ta.
Har har. They’ll be up on Sunday if all goes to plan. All ‘cept the one above, just for Peter, who uploads his photos with such swiftness, you may as well just call him Superswiftuploadingman, if you want to.
January 28, 2009
Oh oh oh, it’s bulletin point holiday notes time!
1. Ronan Keating was on my flight to Geneva. He walked around a lot on the plane.
2. Geneva’s economy seems to thrive on coffee, and watches, and, apparently George Clooney’s career seems to depend on promoting both those products. George Clooney may well be the King of Geneva.
3. It may come as a surprise to all, but I’m not an adept skiier. I’m not even an ept skiier. Inept doesn’t begin to cover it. The only possible way that I can describe the way that I move when placed upon skiis is to compare it to when one tries to force a domestic animal to have a bath. Legs and arms are in rictus right angle mode, while beady eyes are set on the escape route, at any cost. I was about as graceful as a pig on ice.
4. As I’ve a degree in French, I was designated speaker for the trip (despite everyone else in my family having a moderate to quite good level of French). While I can lovingly lyricize about de Guérin and Flaubert, alas, I do not know the word for ‘snow tyres’. Which lead to beautiful sentences like:
Bonjour, je cherche les, um, trucs, pour notre voiture qui nous laisseraient de, um, bouger, avec vitesse sans danger dans la neige.
5. I read some pretty dreadful novels. Not least one which featured VAMPIRE KILLERS THAT KILL. But only girls that dress like this:
…the killers left her earrings, and a small sapphire in her belly button. We found the clothes: UFO parachute pants, Nikes, Chili Peppers t-shirt
6. I watched some pretty dreadful movies. Including Tomb Raider which which which features blondie doctor from Green Wing. He looks ugly in it though. Very very ginger, and his nose has seen better angles.
7. Geneva airport, ovo under George Clooney’s rule, is the least practical place known to man. The only bottled water available is San Pellegrino, the Duty Free only sells silly types of Bailey’s- and the shops? Hermés, Guess and Cartier. Even the magazines were too much for the likes of me- though I did gaze longingly at the latest Lula.
‘S good to be home though, yeah?
January 25, 2009
I feel a triumphant return coming on.
PLEASE BUY MY THINGS WITH MONEY I NEED IT TO LIVE. Thank you.
Photos of some of the things I’ll be selling will be up during the week*.
*Edit: That was clearly a lie. You can see a selection of things here though.
January 25, 2009
Big shout out radio style to the lovely commenters on the previous post. Somewhere on a ski slope in some country or other Ailbhe is thinking of you all, a single appreciative tear rolling down her cheek and freezing half way resulting in a small but excruciatingly painful patch of frostbite. Also to the man who may indeed have been an actual knight in shining armour, I can’t quite remember, who delivered a friend and I from evil and straight to a taxi on Thursday night when we were descended upon by four chuckling men on Grafton Street. Also to my heros, Sarah and Alan, who will welcome you to The Button Factory for TAC this Tuesday. It only happens once a month, so you shouldn’t miss the chance to gather together for a night of freakshow circus-themed fun while their arms remain lovingly opened. However, there will be no big shout out radio style to the many obnoxious people that could be encountered last night in a certain club…we consoled ourselves with the fact that they probably all required anger management, if not now, then at least when the trauma (inevitably severe in their cases) associated with male pattern baldness sets in, poker-straight-side-fringe first, it’s only a matter of decades, just a warning. Where was I, ah yes, have a look at this see…
January 20, 2009
It’s my own fault. I Googled myself. Proper Googling. And 4 pages in, I didn’t like what I found. I suppose in almost 2 years of writing part/full-time, I’ve been lucky not to get too many negative responses- unlike poor Úna. Still, it’s upsetting when an last-minute awkward awkward AWKWARD live interview you do as a favour to a friend gets slated as the most god-awful interview I’ve ever had the discomfort of watching. Fair enough, it was pretty terrible, and girl knows her shiz. I’m not one to be dwelling on blog comments, but it’s not the first time a sly dig’s been sent round my way.
S’pose I’ll have to up my game, eh? Onwards and upwards.
yes, thank you.
January 18, 2009
We’re only back from the 6th Blogger’s Brunch and, dare I say it, I’ve eaten at least my own body weight in Eggs Benedict. Which is no bad thing. Word on the street is that people want our set-list from Transmission last night. Right-oh:
1. Shake Your Rump- Beastie Boys
2. 17- Ladytron
3. 1234- Feist (Van She Remix)
4. Do It Right- Go! Team
5. Ready for the Floor- Hot Chip
6. Stuck on Repeat- Little Boots
7. Babooshka- Kate Bush
8. Ring My Bell- Donna Summers
9. 2 of Hearts- Stacy Q
10. Burning Down the House- Talking Heads
11. Town Called Malice- The Jam
12. Juicebox- The Strokes
13. Hash Pipe- Weezer
14. Date With the Night- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
15. Hey Scenesters- The Cribs
16. Romantic Rights- DFA 1979
17. Sound of the Underground- Girls Aloud
18. Money- The Flying Lizards
19. Happy as Annie- Larrikin Love
20. Only You- XX Teens
21. Semi Precious Weapons- Semi Precious Weapons
22. Cheer It On- Tokyo Police Club
23. Single Ladies- Beyoncé
In other news, I’m off skiing for the week. I don’t own any practical leisure-wear. For reals. I own, maybe, one pair of tracksuit bottoms, but at least 3 velour rompers. I can’t see this being a problem.
January 18, 2009
ATT: ALL THIEVES AND ASSOCIATES OF THIEVES WHO ATTENDED TRANSMISSION AT THE BUTTON FACTORY LAST NIGHT.
well friends, SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED.
Some of you may know that my umbrella is my most prized possession ever in the world EVER. Well, the inevitable has finally happened…it’s gone missing. I only wish our last moments could have been sweeter, think frolicking around a sunny field holding hand(les) rather than taking it out in apocolypse style weather for a good mangling. I lose things very often, and nothing important has ever been returned to me. However, there’s a first time for everything, and I now appeal to anyone that knows of it’s whereabouts to contact me.
Last seen behind the DJ decks in the cafe room of The Button Factory at about midnight last night.
Blue with flowers.
Loooong, none of this microminisupersmallCRAP.
Wooden handle, not curved.
If you’re reading this umbrella, please let me know that you’re safe.
January 16, 2009
You might be forgiven for thinking that F stands for ‘flu’. This is a common misconception. Yes, in fact, F actually stands for ‘feck off flu’. Which is exactly what my minor symptoms better do by tomorrow. There is a fierce weird one going around. The thing is, we have another fancy fashion bloggers foodfest brunch to attend to on Sunday and I will not miss it. I do love fashion but I also share a very loving and much longer-term relationship with food. I remember, for years, as a wee girl, I maintained that if granted one wish it would be that I would never get full and could just eat and eat. FAT ASS. I love it. I love it. I love it. The thing is, I’m not exactly a master chef. That’s where Jamie Oliver’s Ministry of Food comes in. My sister and I were gifted with this lovely book for Christmas. It guides you through from the basics (the perfect rice, the perfect eggs, you know, perfect stuff) through tasty takes on common dishes such as curries and stir fries. Once you’ve tried a number of recipes, the idea is to pass your new found knowledge on to friends and family. Rather like a nifty game of pass the parcel, without the time consuming parcelling portion of it, which is good. There’s a very comprehensive website right here which explains it perfectly, without my incessant relating of things to embarrassing childhood memories and party games. Go on then.
OHHH a quick link to the lovely crispy clean blog that is Male-Mode. A very good one it is, and also a recent addition to the brunch line-up. Yum blog. Yum brunch.
January 12, 2009
1. From the ashes of Dublin’s-most-annoying-band come quite a good new band: Talulah Does The Hula (Myspace yo). Though they’re prone to the same pull-a-pose-on-the-dancefloor-even-though-you’re-not-actually-on-a-dancefloor-love schtick as the Chalets, it’s hidden to the side, and shouty girl-boy choruses are switched for synths and a touch of doo-wop. Pas mal at all.
3. Indiecater records are re-releasing one of my all-time favourite Irish records: Senor My Friend by Mumblin’ Deaf Ro. If you look at his blog and scroll down a bit, you can see a nice awkward email interview I did with him about a year ago, during which I asked possibly the most convoluted question I’ve asked to date:
Has your muted style, and ego-free demeanour aided or inhibited your career to date? (Obviously an entirely ego-free demeanour would result in a total loss of sense of self,so that’s not what I mean, but you know what I’m getting at.) Wonderful.
4. The video which opens this post? ’15 Step’ off In Rainbows, which, bizarrely, is played over the closing credits in Twilight.